Yes. And that’s why I want to make sure I express this right because I want to make sure that I come across as positive. X is very spiritual and that’s what used to aggravate me?them demons, that he would let that stuff get to him. And I do still have love for X but I gotta do what I gotta do. People don’t realize that X has been in trouble for the last four years.
What other kind of trouble is he in besides drugs and child support?
I’m dealing with a lot all the lawsuits. X is being sued by several companies and I’m dealing with that because they were trying to take our house. They couldn’t get anything out of X so they put a lean on my house so we had to file for bankruptcy. In my reality show it shows me fighting for my house and filing for bankruptcy to keep my house because tat’s the only thing that would stop it. I’m dealing with reality and it’s crazy. X is over in la la land. He’s in jail chilling, eating, rent free. I’m over here dealing with these four children and the oldest is kind of upset with his father. I’m constantly being positive [but] my son is real close to me. You know how boys are close to their mom so he’s upset about the kids.
How are the younger children dealing with this?
They’re affected a little but not really. The good thing about the little ones is when we separated they were really young and they were used to him always being on the road so when he’s not here that’s what they think and I just don’t say anything because I don’t want them to feel a certain way. One of them, Tacoma, he’s a 10-year-old?he’s a lot like Earl too. It was affecting him in school. I noticed that. He would be real rebellious in school and not want to do anything so I started talking to him about what was going on and he was like, “What’s going on with my father? Kids tell me he’s in jail.” I don’t want it to look all negative but this is real stuff. Even if X wasn’t a super star, a woman would have to deal with this period just having a father in jail.
Are you saying that X sticking around with all his issues would have done more damage?
My kids would have been worse off if he would have stayed, with his habit. If you look at his track record after 2006, when we separated, his life really went down hill. It was like when he would come in the house, it was just this dark cloud. My son and Earl’s cousin sensed it too. It was like whenever he walked into the house a dark presence would come in. I don’t want to make him look bad but that’s just a reality.
What happened to him appearing on Celebrity Rehab?
They definitely wanted him on the show. They were gonna pay him so much money but he didn’t want to do it because he felt like he was going to look washed up, like that would have been the final straw.
Did he ever try to seek professional help in private?
No. He was against it. Now we talk like maybe once a week and I always tell him he needs to seek professional help because he has a lot of issues that stem from his childhood.
Did your mom leaving you affect your self-esteem meaning, that that was part of what contributed to you staying with X for so long?
No, it didn’t affect my self-esteem. I don’t know why it didn’t, but it really didn’t. Even when me and X got together my self-esteem was—I used to always try to build his up and my sisters’ too. The thing is, before my mom left we were really, really close and she instilled a lot of things in me. You know how a lot of women feel lonely and they can’t be alone? That’s not me. I think that’s one of the things that attracted X to me because I was a challenge to him. He always said, “You don’t need me, you’re good by yourself.” His self-esteem has been ruined by what his mother did to him. X never wants to be alone. I just really thought I could save him because I’m the type of person where I’m the friend to the end. But now I know there’s nothing I can do for him. That’s too big of a job for me. I just have to give it to God.
How do you deal with criticism from people about your choice to stay with him?
In the beginning it used to bother me but then I would look at other people’s relationships and realized that the same people’s criticizing me are in even worse situations. I started realizing that I have to start living for me. I’m the only person that has to deal with this so I stopped letting it bother me. I just realized I have to do what I have to do for me and no one can understand because they’re not in the same situation so I just brush it off.
What do you wish for X in the forthcoming months and year?
PAGE FOUR: Tashera On Divorce And A New Beginning
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